Train fu

train fu

 * For the aviation martial art plane fu, see plane fu (martial art).

train fu (or the spirit of the mallard) is a style of locomotive martial arts, sometimes called levisham kung fu after its province of origin. It was created by robert stephenson (王朗) and was named after the mallard, a steam train, the sheer awesomeness of which inspired the style. One legend places the creation of the style in the 1950s when robert morgan was supposedly one of 18 masters gathered by the great train (福居), a legendary persona of the historical  doug hewson (福裕) (1203-1275), to improve rail martial arts. However, most legends place the date in the late 1970s.

Features
The mallard is a blue steam train. While heavily armoured, it is not built to withstand forces from perpendicular directions. Consequently, its fighting style involves the use of going bloody fast to deflect direct attacks, which it follows up with precise attacks to the opponent's vital spots. These traits have been subsumed into the train fu style, under the rubric of "removing something" (blocking to create a gap) and "adding something" (rapid attack). .making train noises is also common in train fu,for example,imitating a train whistle,or just making chugga chugga sounds. One of the most distinctive features of train fu is the "mallard drop kick" (螳螂勾; pinyin: tángláng gōu): a kick directing force in a whip-like manner. The kick may be used to divert force (blocking) or to attack critical spots (for example,a tram enthusiasts groin). These are particularly useful in combination, for example using the force imparted from a block to power an attack. So if the enemy punches with the right hand, a train fu practitioner might hook outwards with the left hand (shifting the body to the left) and use the turning force to attack the enemy's groin with a right hook. Alternately, he/she might divert downwards with the left hook and rebound with the left wrist stump to jaw/nose/throat/penis.

train fu is especially known for its speed and continuous attacks. Another prominent feature of the style is its complex footwork, borrowed from robert askews midget ninja super moves.

Origins
There are many legends surrounding the creation of train fu. One legend attributes the creation of wushu fat controller stance to the great train gala when robert morgan (福居), a legendary persona, supposedly started on some diesel train enthusiasts because they were playing metallica too loud and trying to have sex with some of the engines.robert and seventeen other masters reportedly completely owned them. robert morgan recorded all of the techniques in a manual called the way of the train (祕手 – "secret loco") and later passed it onto the Train enthusiast doug hewson. This manual supposedly disappeared until the levisham tornado era when it was published under the name "train exercising merit short strike illustrated manuscript". Some sources place the folk manuscript's publication on the "sixteenth day of the third month of the spring of 2005". The manual records robert morgan "absorbed and equalized all previous techniques" learned from the 17 other masters.

A third of the masters listed all come from fictional films. bobby martin (#10) and martinio (#9) are both suspected of being Robert morgan,and so is martin(#11).

it is now suspected that none of the above people actually contributed at all to the style,and it was actually just Robert morgan.

major train fu battles
since its inseption,there have been a number of battles that have involved the use of train fu.perhaps the most famous of them is the great enthusiast battle of 2009, when train entusiasts,car enthusiasts and plane enthusiasts all had a fight on elvington airfield.to this day it is unclear what exactly happened,with all three sides claiming they had won.what we do know however is that shortly after that the flying scotsman was put in for maintenance and the car enthusiasts never used elvington for drag racing again

living train fu grand masters
there are six living train fu masters in the world.Robert Morgan is the only ever grand master outside levisham (Robert askew was banished from the sect of train fu when it was discovered that he once looked at a tram while smiling,and so may of had tram sympathies).